I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
