In the future we'll all be gay
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
