i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
