alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
