apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
