You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
