You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
