Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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