Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
