Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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