just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Found the puke drawer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
