I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
