The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
