What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
