Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
