your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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