grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
