thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
