at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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