I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
