i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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