So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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