Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
