did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
