dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
