What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's always time for handjobs
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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