Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
