I'm really into asian looking animals
she smelled like a LAN party
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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