Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
