dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
