I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
