Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
