im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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