Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
