Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
