I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
