the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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