That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
