so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
