Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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