Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
