I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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