I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
