I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I deserve this hangover.
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