my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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