mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You ruined the universe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
