i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
