Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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