oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
