Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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