I forgot how hot balto sounded
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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